The Dumb American Tourist

Edinburgh smells like caramel corn. Unlike Portland breweries, which emit an odor that resembles old dish water, the brewing of tasty Scottish beers produces a pleasant aroma that wafts through the city and into your nostrils when you least expect it. Mmm…pair that with a crisp wind and a giant castle silhouetted against a soft gray sky…lovely. Did I mention that I love Edinburgh?

Oh yeah, I’m here:

(Just in case you forgot)

So, in addition to the smell, what else do you not know about Edinburgh? After spending the last 7 days as a dumb American tourist, I’ve compiled a list of general facts that probably would have been nice to know before I caught a plane to a country on the other side of the world. Allow me to enlighten you:

-First off, the pronunciation of “Edinburgh”. For the first 6 months after I booked my tickets here, I had been telling people that I was taking a trip to “Edin-berg”. Then, the CEO of my work corrected me, saying it was “Edin-burrow”. Upon arrival, I was told by my team members that it was “Edin-bra”. Locals however, laugh at all of those, and say “Edin-bura”, rolling the the “r” so that it sounds like a “d”. I can’t really do it, but with a Scottish accent, it makes sense.

-There are no street signs. If you’re lost in Edinburgh, take another look at that lovely corner building you were just admiring. You’ll find the street name printed on the side.

-No public bathrooms have paper towels. Instead, each is equipped with the world’s weakest air-dryer. Prepare to spend an eternity drying your hands.

-Scotland weather is nuts. It goes from sunny & clear, to pouring rain, to sunny & clear again within 15 minutes. All day long. No joke.

-The outlets in the UK differ from the rest of Europe. I brought an adapter meant for “Northern Europe”, but it didn’t fit the outlets here. UK outlets look like this:

Correct US-UK adapters look like this:

Get it right.

In food news:

-Tipping is appreciated, but not expected.

-Haggis is EVERYWHERE. It isn’t the rare specialty I had expected. Preconception, debunked!

-Scottish condiments include ketchup, HP or “brown sauce” (tomatoes & vinegar), salad cream, mayonnaise, and vinegar. The latter are the most common for fries, or “chips”. Chips as we know them are called “crisps”.

-People really do eat deep-fried burgers, puddings, ribs, haggis, etc. These health gurus are called “chippies”. I’ve yet to catch one in action, but stay tuned…

Although chippies are an important part of Scottish culture, I suppose museums and galleries play a significant part as well. We paid a visit to the Scottish National Portrait Gallery, which was the first portrait gallery in the world. Like everything here, it’s really just an ugly old building.

The inside is pretty dull too.

At least the portraits are nice.

Ah kilts…not much has changed in hundreds of years. Rather than being a fashion of the past that’s merely talked and laughed about, I’ve seen many a man strutting the city in a kilt.

Another preconception debunked!

Another touristy excursion was our trip to Cramond Island, which is only accessible when the tide is out and you can reach it on foot.

The tides weren’t in our favor, so we explored the local church and hiked to a nearby waterfall instead.

More historical ruins too.

With all this exposure to Scottish history and culture, I could not postpone the inevitable any longer….

Hello Haggis.

The verdict?

It was damn good! Moist, salty…I give haggis and the Scottish breakfast a thumbs up!

My hot chocolate was lovely as well.

With all my new-food fervor, I had to check out this small, local market on my way home.

The Spanish gentleman who ran this stand was nice enough to give me a free bowl of the Paella, since I’d never tried it before. Again, the locals are incredibly friendly!

And on the menu for this week?

Wild Pigeon!

We’ll see how it goes…and where my next adventure takes me.

Hopefully, this week I’ll graduate from being a “dumb American tourist” just to a regular American tourist…